God only sanctifies, consecrates one marriage. 1 Cor. 7:39
The word 'hear' in Numbers 30:16 in Hebrew means "consent" and "heareth" in verse 5 means "regards, perceive or understand".
The word 'hear' in Numbers 30:16 in Hebrew means "consent" and "heareth" in verse 5 means "regards, perceive or understand".
A young woman marries three men. The first, she marries because she is pregnant and believes that God's command is, that she marry the father of the baby. He's physical abusive and after a year of horror they divorce. She marries a second time, again she believes this is what God wants but for a different reason. He leaves her with three children and runs off with another woman. The third time she lives with a man, afraid to marry again and make another mistake.
Her mother tells her: neither of her former marriages were sanctified by the Lord. Her father was against both marriages. When her father agrees out of his own mouth that she can marry then the marriage will be a consecrated union before God.
The third relationship goes on for 2 years bringing another child and her father didn't seem to overjoyed about this relationship either. So she worried that this might not be the marriage God approved either. However, minutes after the birth of their second child together, her father turned to the boyfriend and said, "When are you going to marry my daughter?" They married less than a month later. They now have 5 children and are very happy.
The third marriage was the one God sanctified. God does not see us married in unsanctified marriages. We've been led to believe that every relationship that is consummated is sanctified as soon as we get a marriage license. And that belief comes from Genesis 2:24 and flesh in this verse is 'body person; pudendum' (Hebrew) or flesh that fits together. In Matthew 19:5 'symbol of what's external' (Greek). Mark 10:7-8 is the same and notice the next verse (9) what "God" joins together. And in 1 Corinthians 6:13-18, if you join with a harlot or become one body fitting together with her God doesn't say marry her. In verse 18 he says flee fornication. And man's marriage license can't sanctify a marriage.
Another woman marries an unbeliever and though he is an alcoholic and an adulterer they stay married. The young woman, at the time of the marriage ceremony, told the Lord she never wanted to end up in a broken relationship for the sake of her, not yet conceived, children. This woman committed her marriage to the Lord in her heart (she had no father or near male relative). This woman by her words to the Lord, brought about the sanctification of her marriage. They had some real tough years, however, today the husband is saved. They have four children, 14 or more grand children and all of them serve the Lord.
If you are in an unendurable situation you really need to seek the advice of your Heavenly Father and your Father before you assume that God wishes you to stay in a marriage with a man who is physically abusing you. Did God tell you to marry this man or did you just assume you were suppose to marry? Or because you just wanted to at the time? As I said, man's paper cannot sanctify a marriage only God can do that.
How do you know if your marriage is sanctified and consecrated? If you have a father ask him if he approves or ever did approve of your marriage? Did he give you away at the wedding? If you haven't a father then ask your brother. In Biblical times responsibilities passed to the next male in line. (for those of you who say at this point, "this isn't Biblical times". May I respectfully submit, "God never changes" man has (advanced??). If there is no one then you need to ask God and in your deepest heart you'll know the answer (it's the first answer, not the second). And note I didn't say a 'believing' father or brother were the only ones to consult. God will speak to you right out of their mouths, whether they are saved or not. Also see How to know God's Will.
"I'm not going and you can't make me! I'm staying with Jake!" she yelled. Crying she turned and ran from the room. I just stood there. How was I going to handle this? The entire family is moving to Maine. If she thinks I'm leaving a seventeen year old girl all alone, here, in the big city, she's has another think coming! I don't even approve of the boy. I certainly don't want my daughter mixed up with him. Jake already has a girl friend who has a child that is his. He should be with her. I've tried and tried to make Janet see that his loyalty lies else where, or should. But she says she is so in love with him. Right!
"Honey, what's wrong?" asked my husband. He had just come in and I hadn't even heard the car. Something on my face must have given away my state of mind.
"It seems that our daughter won't be going with us. 'She's staying with Jake', she says."
"No way, no way is she staying here," he shouted, "she is going with us and that's the end of it." "Janet," he shouted even louder, "get out here."
"Now, Honey, take it easy. Maybe we should talk about this." I implored. Whenever he was angry at the kids I immediately went into mediator mode. "I don't want her to stay here either but she hasn't been living at home for months. I'm not sure it's right to try and force her now."
"Oh, so you think we'll just leave her here on her own?" He ground out between clinched teeth.
"Absolutely not!" I confirmed.
"Well, you can't have it both ways." He ran his hands through his hair, which he always does when he's frustrated with me.
"You wanted me, Dad?" said Janet from the doorway.
"I'm only going to say this once, you are going with the rest of this family and that is the end of it. I am not leaving you here by yourself to get into trouble and so your mother and I can worry ourselves sick. Is that clear?" He said it quietly, too quietly, both Janet and I knew he meant exactly what he said and would take whatever steps he felt necessary to see that she obeyed him.
"Daddy, please, I can't leave him. I love him. I have to stay here with him," she choked out through her tears.
"Honey, don't you remember what it's like to be in love at that age?" I'm still in the mediator mode.
He turned to me angrily, "For heaven sake, what do you want? You don't want me to drag her with us and you don't want her to stay behind?" I'm surprised his hair isn't coming out in clumps by now. I could, I suppose, tell him that was the problem in a nut shell but a girl has her pride! So I just shrugged my shoulders which didn't seem to relieve the tension any.
"I'll run away if you force me!" I was amazed she said that to her father. She was usually pretty careful how she talked to him. He stood up, I stepped toward him, in case I had to protect my baby from his wrath. Janet stepped backward in case dad was going to do something to her.
He watch the subtle maneuvering and quietly said, "Fine, I'm not going to fight both of you, but, you, Janet, can only stay if you are married and I mean that. There will be no threats, no arguing is that clear? If this boy loves you so much he can marry you and if he doesn't that is the end of that."
"But dad!"
"You heard me."
Perfect! I thought, Jake isn't going to marry her, after all, he didn't marry the mother of his daughter.
Both my husband and I got a shock when Jake showed up and agreed to marry our daughter so he could keep her with him. We had to accept that maybe he really did love her. There was a big family gathering in the home of Janet's favorite aunt where the kids were joined in marriage by a man of God.
Janet spent years of living hell. Jake didn't work, he did drugs and teamed up with his x-girl friend against Janet. He was sleeping with his x-girl fiend, the mother of his daughter, and both of them rubbing it in Janet's face continuously.
It was a three-sided torture chamber of agony for Janet. Jake and the x-girl friend spent the night in Janet and Jakes apartment one time and the x-girl friend tore up their marriage license. When Janet tried to get a copy from the state they told her it had never been filed, and she would have to get a divorce or re-married. Jake held this over Janet's head for years. Whenever Janet told one of Jake's girl friends that he was married he'd say, "Prove it, I'm not married to anyone." One time Jake stole their brand new baby and took her to the apartment of some friends in another city. It took Janet three days of unendurable agony before she got the infant back. This torture went on for years.
All the time the state's telling her she had to get an attorney because if she didn't divorce Jake and married someone else, and the marriage license turned up, she could be a bigamist. The attorneys told her she couldn't get a divorce if she couldn't prove she was married. And Janet didn't know if the Lord wanted her married or unmarried. Finally, after eight years she took the position of, enough is enough, and left Jake. Shortly after she left him she finally got someone to listen to her marriage license dilemma. She was informed that if she'd read the back of the marriage license she would have realized that it was null and void after 90 days since the state had no record on file! She had never been legally married!"Janet had two children with Jake, all the time thinking she was a married woman. However, maybe she was, according to the Lord? This was no marriage made in heaven.
She fell in love with someone else but was terrified to marry. She doesn't want to make a mistake again. When she married Jake she was being rebellious and head strong and didn't seek God's approval or disapproval of the union. But after all she had endured you couldn't drag her down the aisle unless God himself was presiding.
"Mom, what should I do? He keeps asking me to marry him but I don't think I'm ready and I don't know what the Lord wants?" Janet said to me over coffee in her kitchen.
"You have been more at peace and a lot happier since you left Jake. You wouldn't have peace if God didn't approve of this man. I think God tried to show you through the marriage license incident that you weren't married. Otherwise the state would have had a copy. God would have found it for you. But, barring all that, your marriage wasn't sanctified since your father never gave his blessing. He agreed to allow your marriage to appease you and I but he did not approve. If I would have stayed out of it your father would have drug you off to Maine with us.
Which, we now know, would have been the right thing to do. But the Lord has a purpose for all things. You have two gorgeous children. You learned not to be so head strong and disobedient. And I learned to be still and let your father handle things the way God tells him to without my interference. Oh, by the way, your dad told me he is going to tell you, it 's time you and the light of your life, got hitched. It's been five years and when your dad says it to you, you will know that you are ready."
"I cannot believe how us girls can make such a mess out of everything. I was determined to have my own way and I just knew Jake was the man for me. I would have saved myself a lot of pain if I would have just listened to my father," said Janet with tears in her eyes.
"Honey, we are what we are, flesh, we try to do right out of our emotions and rather than helping we hurt unintentionally. But it's those same emotions that cause us to inspire greatness in our men. And lead us to the love of the Lord. The past is past and you have a bright future ahead."
Credits: The picture of our Lord is from Laurali's Galaxy.(Lauralie's Galaxy is no longer on the net). The vases, flowers, bells, bows and the pulpit are courtesy of the Proverbs Women, the wedding rings are from Web Pro Group. And the gold heart with flowers is from Marla's Image Collection.
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© Pondering Profound Concepts
Created: June 2000