Learning Motor Skills

How to pray
How to talk
How to treat others
How to read the word
How to walk

Learning the Basics

Who is God, Who is God's Son. (Who parents are).
Which is which (What the differences are between them).
*Mom comforts and cares for me, mom always listens and helps.
*Dad is awesome, big, plays with me, laughs at my ridiculous mistakes and stern if I'm rebellious.
Differences between right and wrong
*What my parents say is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
*What things are harmful and what things are harmless.
*What things I can play with and what things I mustn't touch.
*What things are good for me to eat (the Word) and what things are not.

Most toddlers try to walk before they can crawl. They fall down a lot but are steadfast and resolute in the belief that they will walk. They talk a lot but don't make much sense. They make noises with their vocal cords which thrills them, if not their parents. And they are always talking to an unseen presence. Cannot 'be still'. Cannot pay attention for more than a minute. Pubescent brothers and sisters have little patience with toddlers and tend to be short and irritable with them. When asked to help with a toddler the usual answer is, "Do I have to?"

Toddlers are considered 'stupid' by most parents, "They don't know what they are doing"; "They are to little to understand". A toddler's brain is like a sponge, it soaks up everything it sees and hears. After we tell them a few times not to do something they understand us just fine. If we say to someone, in front of the toddler, "They don't understand", the toddler is intelligent enough to use that on us. Trying to lead us to believe they really don't understand.

When they hear fighting they don't know how to compute that data but they know it makes them feel bad. And they are soaking up that data, too. They are learning how to fight, loose their tempers, just as they learn to eat with a spoon and fork, watching. They also learn things watching their older siblings and will usually follow their example before they'll follow the parents example. A toddler reaches for a hot cup of coffee. The first time we tell them, "no, it's hot and will burn you." The next time we slap their hand. It doesn't really hurt them but it makes them mad, when they want it, they want it. They reach again and if we LOOK into their eyes we will see they KNOW they're not suppose to but now they want to prove they can. If the toddler continues this for very long, getting a hand slap each time, then we are dealing with a very intelligent toddler because this toddler THINKS we will give up. And this toddler will give you the "batting eye lashes" and putting his/her arms up to be picked up, now we are being manipulated. It's all right, of course, to pick the toddler up and cuddle him/her but if the child reaches for the coffee again, do not give in, it will set a standard for the future: "I can get away with it eventually, just depends on how persistent I am or how sneaky". It is a very sharp parent who watches the EYES of their children, carefully. Their minds are new, quicker, sharper and a lot more alert than ours.

Always punish out of pure motives. It is so easy to fly off the handle when toddlers are demanding all day. But keep in mind they are experimenting, learning and we are the teachers. Like with the coffee, you explain why something is not allowed and then follow through with punishment when we are disobeyed. We can give them a swat on their diaper and give them a hug right afterward, they are not stupid. Let them know how much we love them but that we do not tolerate bad behavior either. They need lots of tender loving care with hugs and re-assurance that we love them. Love and discipline work together, it is called 'Justice'. Justice is defined: impartial, fairness; reward or penalty as deserved; uphold what is right and honest. Loving them is not a license for them to grow up harming themselves or others.

We should never allow our toddlers to hurt others, hitting or biting. Never allow them to hurt smaller children, animals; kittens, rabbits, etc. Frankly toddlers should not be allowed to handle any child younger than themselves or even be able to reach them without supervision and the same goes for small animals. If you have a small toddler and an infant watch them carefully. Your toddler can cause your infant serious harm, experimenting. Poke an eyeball out, pull their arms from the socket (picking them up), hit them with things and cause brain damage, or drown them giving them a drink of water. No, they aren't stupid. They are so intelligent that they think they can do anything you can do with the baby. Our toddlers must be supervised at all times and especially if an infant is present and within reach. Ps.12:14,15.

Incidents of unsupervised toddlers:
A friends husband parked his motorcycle in the kitchen at night. They had a small toddler and a wall gas furnace (they shoot out a small flame when igniting the pilot light). The toddler knocked over the motorcycle one morning while mom was still in bed. Gas ran out on the floor and the furnace came on. Thankfully they all got out and only the kitchen was damaged but the toddler could have been killed if he'd still been in the kitchen.
Toddlers have been known to, help? Trying to bath and feed infants while mom sleeps in. Very dangerous. Scalding, drowning and choking have resulted.
Toddlers try to cook or smoke, like mom and dad and catch themselves on fire.
Toddlers have been know to feed animals and small infants poisonous liquids.
Toddlers have been known to try to bath themselves and an infant, drowning or scalding themselves and the infant.
When they learn to open doors and windows, they've been known to fall out of the windows, off balconies and go into the street and be hit by cars.

These things happen everyday because toddlers aren't being supervised. When a toddler is awake the mother MUST be awake also. If for some reason you must sleep then get a sitter or put your toddler on the bed with you and make sure the room is totally secure. Everything is out of reach, doors and windows securely shut but do not make a habit of this because your toddler will find a way out or something to occupy him that could be dangerous to you both. A babysitter is the best solution and by far the safest.

Please take this in the way it is given: I know you love your child but to leave them without supervision while you sleep is neglect. That is the truth. They are not being cared for, changed, fed and kept safe and therefore, they are being neglected. I know how difficult it is to be a young mother but your baby is the most important thing so don't neglect him/her.

Take your toddler to grandma and let her watch him/her while you sleep. If you don't have a grandma find one in your neighborhood and explain that you just have to sleep. Most grandma's will watch a toddler for an hour or two and really enjoy it!! But don't leave the toddler too long, if you have trouble keeping up with them consider how difficult it will be for grandma. Lots of grandma's will watch infants till the river beds run dry.

No pointing and grunting allowed. This not only encourages laziness, but will turn into stubbornness and be used as an attention getter. When they point to the sink we say, "Water?" or "Drink?" and this is fine, we are teaching but after a while they know the word they just refuse to say it. Now we tell them, "I'm not sure what you want?" "What?" "I'm sorry, I just don't know what you mean." The very intelligent child will try to wait you out so after a few minutes go sit down and when they start again go through it all again. This could take a while but if you are persistent the child will finally say what he wants and the next time he/she will ask instead of pointing or grunting. If not start again. This only takes about 3 times maximum and the toddler should be asking.

I know how trying it is but if we can't teach a toddler there is no way they will listen to us when they are older. It is now, while they're toddlers that they decide whether or not to obey us. If we are mean and unjust so will our child be: unruly; undisciplined; yelling and hollering all the time. If we are loving, kind, just, consistent and firm our child will respect and obey us.

Some helpful hints: And see also: Care of Infants

Bad eating habits are learned. Well meaning family members and friends feeding toddlers junk food doesn't help. They need to eat what you eat and see you eat it because they learn by example. It must be considered that junk will cause unhealthiness later in life, like heart disease and diabetes. Not to mention being over weight and miserable or under weight and anorexic. If we teach the health and do our best to set an example they will lead long, healthy lives.

Potty training is usually better left to about age 3 years old. Some toddlers actually fear having bowel movements on toilets and potty chairs that go on the toilet. Usually they fear being sucked down the toilet with the water or they simply fear the size and hardness of the toilet itself. I suspect some toddlers feel that what is coming out of them somehow belongs to them and they don't want to loose it or share it. If this seems to be the case, you might try explaining to them that all of nature does this particular feat including birds while in flight and cats actually bury theirs. Putting them in cloth underwear is also a good idea because the stools cool and the toddlers hate that and then make sure the toddler helps clean themselves up (almost a sure cure for little girls). Don't make potty training too big a deal or they won't go in the potty just to thwart you.

Scheduling is not only helpful in potty training but can go along way toward hurrying your goal. Keep track of the time of day when the toddler usually has a bowel movement and try to get them to sit on the potty when the time nears. If they fight you tell them if they don't have to go, to at least wait a moment and see if anything wants to come out. Give them a book to read or toy to play with or read them a short story. Put them on the potty when they wake up in the morning, after eating, after naps and before bedtime. Don't be disappointed if nothing happens, you are teaching them and it will work. Two weeks of consistency might just do the trick.

Tantrums-Are basically the toddlers way of getting back at you or getting their own way. And all that yelling and crying is a put on just for us because there's no way they feel a slap on the diaper. So now they are punishing us, "just for that watch me scream and holler and maybe I'll even roll around on the floor". I used to get on the floor beside them and do it with them. They would stop, look at me and then get up and walk away....What? Did I look stupid or something? There were very few tantrums in my home but then I didn't tolerate them either. Genesis 8:21.

Do not allow your toddler to tell you "no" with an attitude. Keeping in mind that you taught them that word. Begin by explaining they are not allowed to use the word except when they are teaching which is what you are doing. They may say, "I don't want to" but "no" with an attitude is shows a serious lack of respect and rebellious. When the toddler is 10 years old and saying, "NO!" to your face all the time, there will ensue battles of long duration. And, speaking of battles of will, if your toddler wins even one, the toddler stores the information in their data base and the next battle will be larger and longer. Each time they get their own way they'll fight even harder the next time. Win the first one so their data base reads stores that information and avoid longer and longer battles. From nine months to about 4 or 5 years old is when it will be determined who has the upper hand in the home, you or the child. The earlier they learn you do, means less tantrums and problems of willfulness will be curbbed to nearly non-existent. Their data base says, "What's the point?" Isaiah 3:2-5.

Thumb sucking-Ouch-my oldest girl was the only one who did this. She started at almost two years old and didn't stop till she was thirteen. We tried everything, even putting band-aids on her fingers at night but unconsciously in her sleep she would remove it and in went the fingers. She did this mostly at night as she got older. My greatest worry was the damage to her teeth and lips so instead of trying to break the habit (after years of trying) I concentrated on how to keep the damage to a minimum. I told her during the day to try and remember to hold her right finger sideways under her nose and press against her top teeth to counteract the pulling them forward while she slept. A dentist once told a friend of mine this wouldn't work, but it did work. She has straight even teeth with no over bite. However her top lip is a little fuller than it would have been naturally. I thought it was obvious that if she could pull her teeth forward then she could also press them back. Strangely enough her oldest daughter had the same problem until she was nearly eleven, we applied the same method with the same result and her lips, which were naturally very thin, are larger but look more natural.

Biting is easily cured. When a toddler bites they are being retaliative but don't understand how painful it is. My one biter used this method all of three times because whenever she bit someone she got bit by me. BE CAREFUL, you've got very powerful jaws and they have very tender skin. Just enough pressure to let them know how it feels but not strong enough to leave a mark. Once they know how it feels they understand "why" you tell them not to bite. This method worked on every biter in our extended family of cousins, grandchildren and even their parents when they were toddlers.

Pacifiers, babies shouldn't have pacifiers after 4 or 5 months old. Give them teething rings instead.

Bottles, when to take them away? Sometime around 9 months old they loose interest and if you miss it they will not give up that bottle till they are about 3 years old. When you see they've lost interest in it, give them something new at bedtime, a toy, a cracker, a book to put in their hands.
Don't mention the bottle and make sure it's out of site. If they cry for it but only half-heartedly, great. If they start yelling for it then this is not the time. A good indication is finding a nearly full bottle one morning. If you have missed the "window of opportunity" it's no big deal, let them have the bottle. But don't encourage them to carry it around with them all day. (This means you have to fill it with something, that much milk is not good for them, pop is VERY bad for them. Juices can cause diarrhea or constipation when drinking that much of it). Instead, give it to them only when they lay down. If they persist in wanting the bottle tell them "sure, but into bed you go". Toddlers hate wasting time. If your toddler is already carrying a bottle around all the time and gets diarrhea from too much milk you can counteract that by giving them a little cola in their bottle but don't do this often as they get hooked on cola real fast. And you might start just putting water in the bottle and refuse to put anything else in it till bedtime.

Cribs, how long should they be in a crib? If they are climbing out and falling on the floor they've out grown it. A crib is nothing more than a tool for useful confinement and safety measures. When they are old enough to get out of it on their own it's no longer serving it's purpose. It is meant to insure the child's safety, other children can't get in there and hurt them and they can't get out when your asleep and harm themselves. Once they're out of the crib nothing is safe from them.

Sleeping with parents. Children out of a crib should never develop the habit of sleeping with mom and dad because once they start you will have a problem that can last till they're 13 years old. If they're frightened in the night you get into THEIR bed.

Be patient. Remember they are gathering data. They touch, taste, beat, hit, yell (to hear their voices) and generally behave like savages because they are testing. However, it's our job, as they are experimenting and testing, to teach them what is right and what is not. Some things they can touch and taste but not everything. Singing, laughing and the correct type of yelling is appropriate but not at the wrong times. To beat things or hit are just not appropriate behavior. And that little mind is taking in all the correction data you are giving it, even when it doesn't seem like it is.

Don't be out-smarted by that little bundle of joy...keep you eyes on theirs and you will soon see what I mean. Watch that little thinking machine in action. Your machine is getting old and slow already...sorry, but it is the truth. Every ounce of effort you put into the raising of your toddler will bring you the most rewarding results. Psalms 71:17; Mark 10:13.

Father, every mother who reads this with an open heart and wants to be the best mother she can be, please, guide her and teach her how to be a mother to these gifts you have so graciously given. Holy Spirit, show them what to do in every situation and how to raise their children up in you, how to insure their happiness, health and their future. And I ask, Lord, that every woman who reads these words becomes your servant and her home becomes all that you ordain that it should be and all her children will rise up and call her blessed. I ask this in Jesus Name. Amen. Psalms 127:3-5.

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Credits: Background Set is courtesy of Carla's Graphic Design. All the toddlers are courtesy of Gran gran's as are the little angels with slipping halos. The spin wheel is courtesy of NetteAngels. The angels with the lambs are courtesy of Angels and Roses, no longer on the Web. The spinning top and balloons are from Sharon's Picture Album.

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Created: July 2000